Understanding the root of your people-pleasing tendencies can help you practice setting healthy boundaries within your firm. But how can you heal and handle the expectations of your role when so much of the job is about being in service to clients, partners, attorneys and others in positions of power?
To set some context, let’s talk about the spectrum of trauma-based leadership styles — from people-pleasing leaders on one end to people-controllers on the other. (And, by the way, anyone can be both of these on any given day.)
People-pleasing professionals often struggle to say no, set limits or voice their needs. They tend to prioritize the demands of others over their own well-being, leading to anxiety, overwhelm, burnout, resentment and a feeling of being taken advantage of.
In contrast, people-controlling professionals may exert excessive authority, make unreasonable demands, and fail to consider the perspectives or boundaries of others. This can create a toxic work environment characterized by fear, stress and a lack of psychological safety.
Striking a balance between these two ends of the spectrum is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and a productive work environment. Professionals who can assertively communicate their own needs are more likely to foster a culture of mutual understanding and respect.
Voicing and enacting healthy boundaries can be hard for legal management professionals because there is risk in self-advocacy. You may fear negative consequences, such as being perceived as difficult or losing the approval of the firm’s partners.
Additionally, setting boundaries can trigger feelings of guilt or shame, especially if you were taught from a young age that your needs were secondary to those of others.
“Embracing healthy conflict as a means of modeling open communication and problem-solving can lead to more positive outcomes for you, the partners and attorneys, and the firm at large.”
Breaking free from these ingrained patterns can be a challenging and emotional process. It’s important to remember that this survival strategy that you may have employed as a child provided you with a sense of safety. As an adult, though, it may now be the very thing that is holding you back from feeling free.
Those who tend to avoid conflict often fear it could jeopardize their job or professional relationships. However, conflict avoidance can signal to those in authority that you are comfortable with the status quo, even if it is detrimental to your well-being. It can reinforce the idea that their treatment of employees, demands and expectations of perfection are reasonable, even when they are not.
Moreover, conflict avoidance can prevent you from addressing underlying issues that may be contributing to an unhealthy work environment. By suppressing your concerns, you may inadvertently enable maladaptive behaviors to continue, causing further harm to you and your colleagues.
Embracing healthy conflict as a means of modeling open communication and problem-solving can lead to more positive outcomes for you, the partners and attorneys, and the firm at large.
Setting boundaries in a demanding legal environment can be daunting, but it is essential for your well-being and the overall health of the workplace. By understanding the roots of people-pleasing tendencies and recognizing the importance of assertive communication, you can begin to advocate for yourself in a respectful and effective manner.
Remember that establishing boundaries is not a one-time event but an ongoing, daily practice. It may require courage and posttraumatic growth, but the benefits of a more balanced and fulfilling life are well worth the effort. Ultimately, by prioritizing your needs and fostering an environment of mutual respect, you can contribute to a more positive and productive legal culture that values the well-being of all professionals.
Seek support from trusted colleagues, mentors or trauma-informed professionals as you embark on this journey. With time and determination, you can release and reprogram unhealthy patterns and cultivate a work environment that empowers you to thrive.
Enacting boundaries is not just about self-preservation; it’s about promoting a healthier work culture for everyone involved. When professionals prioritize their well-being, they can show up as their best selves, fostering an environment of mutual respect, open communication and increased productivity. By leading by example and advocating for change, law firm managers can light the way for a more sustainable and fulfilling legal landscape, benefiting both individuals and the profession as a whole. It's a courageous act of self-care that ripples outward, creating a positive impact on colleagues, clients and the broader legal community.
