While unwritten or unspoken rules feel normal to the majority, they can be exclusionary to those outside the majority — especially for people with historically marginalized identities. As managers and leaders at law firms, you can do three key things to dismantle IYKYK cultures and unspoken rules:
1. Come to terms with the reality that we all have bias.
Systemic and individual bias contribute to inequities in employee experience. But we don't have to blindly accept our biases, and there are ways you can manage them.
Consider how you can advocate for better systems and workflows when you notice inequities.
Reflect on aspects of how things get done such as:
- How team members are assigned new tasks.
- How vacation time off is approved.
Get curious about patterns you notice:
- Ask more questions about how your team members are experiencing the workplace and experiencing your leadership.
2. Increase transparency in the process of advancement.
Make sure you understand the formal and informal factors that contribute to promotion and share that information with your team members.
Give team members the scoop:
- Inform them of office norms and share your personal experiences navigating them.
Empower your team:
- Help them understand power dynamics and how to build their internal network.
- Push beyond your comfort zone to give feedback that will increase transparency and level the playing field for all team members.
3. Realize the consequences of unspoken rules.
The consequences of unspoken rules go beyond opportunities for advancement — they can be life-threatening.
Seven years ago, I had an almost fatal experience at work. I'd just been promoted and was eager to prove I was up to the job. I had taken on an overwhelming number of clients and had felt burned out for some time.
But as a Black woman in corporate America, I’d always been told, “You have to work twice as hard to get half as far.”
“Feeling seen, understood and valued is one of the most powerful feelings you can give your team members. The more directly you address unspoken conversations around things like bias and burnout, the more your team will feel safe to tell you when they are struggling and need extra support.”
One early afternoon, I was traveling from a client site, and I had about an hour’s drive to go. And the next thing I remember is waking up on the side of the interstate.
By the grace of God, my car did not hit anything or anyone. I walked away physically unharmed. But I was terrified at what happened. It was a wake-up call that my relationship with work needed to change.
While falling asleep due to burnout was bad, I think the real travesty was that for many years I didn't tell anyone about it. Not my mother, not my friends and certainly not my manager. I felt pressure to prove myself at work, and I was embarrassed that I’d failed to keep it all together.
This moment should have been a catalyst for conversations with my team about what we could change, but I wasn’t sure how to advocate for myself. The lack of open dialogue around job pressures, burnout and mental health created the perfect storm for me to avoid talking about what happened that day.
I share this personal story because I believe in the importance of speaking the unspoken. Feeling seen, understood and valued is one of the most powerful feelings you can give your team members. The more directly you address unspoken conversations around things like bias and burnout, the more your team will feel safe to tell you when they are struggling and need extra support.
Your firm will also reap the benefits. When people feel seen and valued, they become more engaged, perform at higher levels and are less inclined to leave the organization.
